What We Really Want
by Chocolate414
Summary: The day of Serena Vander Woodsen's wedding, Blair Waldorf realizes that she is in love with the her best friend. She doesn't know what to do so, she runs away. She returns to the Upper East Side a year later to finally figure out what she really wants.
1. Chapter 1

Chocolate414 here- I know that people have been waiting for me to update love of my life but, I've been having so many stories running through my head. So I finally typed this one. It's been on my mind for a while. Don't fret, I will be posting the third chapter to Love Of My Life this weekend. Sorry for posting so late. But I think that everyone is going to love this fic and the new chapter to LOML. Don't forget to comment this chapter.

Thanx...

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Chapter 1

Blair Waldorf is sitting at a bar on an early Saturday morning with a glass of scotch and an empty feeling in her chest. Her heart is heavy and she knows that today may very well be the worst day of her life. She is dressed in a light blue gown. It is an Eleanor original and made especially for her as a bride's maid to her best friend's wedding.

Serena Vander Woodsen is marrying Carter Baizen.

While the thought of seeing Serena in a gorgeous Dolce and Gabana hand made dress sends frivolous chills down her spine, Blair cannot help but feel a tinge of bile build within in her throat. She has been in this bar for more than a couple hours with her mind going through the memories of her past with Serena. The girl, who has been with her since the first grade and forgetting only one year, has never left her sight.

Blair is struck with the knowing feeling that Serena isn't supposed to marry Carter Baizen or any man for that matter. Serena isn't supposed to be proclaiming her love to a boy that is two years older than her. She isn't supposed to become the traditional Upper East Side rich wife that their parents were. She is supposed to be much more.

She was meant to be hers.

Blair is stuck with the realization because last night she was totally fine with Serena marrying this guy. The same guy who stood up a young girl who's last name was Buckley three years ago and ran, who destroyed her cotillion five years ago, and helped her in her downward spiral that same year. Although the fact that Blair disapproves with Carter as Serena's mate has been made fairly obvious from the beginning, it has taken Blair all this time to realize that the reason why she feels Serena Vander Woodsen shouldn't be with Carter or any man for that matter is not because she disapproves of them but because she's jealous.

The notion is so far fetched that Blair throws the idea out of her mind the moment it steps inside her head. She throws it so far away that she believes that she has lost it but, when she thinks she has forgotten it somehow it comes right back to her. This knowledge has terrified her all morning and as she begins to pour herself another glass she can't help but understand this isn't the first time that she has felt this way. Her mind wonders back to when both she and Serena were fifteen.

_It was summer in Manhattan and Serena and Blair were in the city shopping at a few stores looking for the perfect outfit for a party they would be attending that evening. They had plenty of shopping bags in hand and yet both girls couldn't help finding themselves in another store. Serena found a beautiful light blue Dior dress and went into the dressing room to try it on. Blair stood outside waiting for the blond to return. She momentarily found herself distracted by an Alexander McQueen dress she'd spotted in the corner of the store. The distraction would prove to be her undoing because when she turned around the dress seemed to be the furthest from her mind and the surprise and the beauty of Serena Vander Woodsen standing in front of her would cause for her to drop her dress momentarily. Serena looked beautiful. There was no other way to describe it. The dress she wore accentuated her curves in the most perfect way. Blair looked from Serena shapely legs, to her prime waist, to her large but not too large breasts, and finally to her perfect lips. But out of everything Blair remembers from that day, she remembers the way that Serena's blue eyes seemed to shine in the most radiant way and that the blue reminded her of the ocean. Serena's cheeks were starting to turn red from Blair's approving gaze._

_"So... What do you think?"_

_Blair looked at Serena's body again and then smiled._

_"You look beautiful Serena." Blair wasn't lying. She said this with a look that could only be defined as wonder and Serena felt like she was the only person in the world by the way Blair was staring at her._

_"I think I'll buy it then."_

_"I certainly think you should."_

_Serena changed and Blair walked out the door with Serena. Hand in hand. Both girls rushed out the store in a hurry._

The flashback momentarily made Blair smile in a way that she hadn't done in a long time. The bartender noticed this and on an act of good faith he hopped at the chance to get on Blair's good side with a one liner.

"I hope I can have whatever you're having." He said this to Blair with a wink. Blair's smile suddenly turned into a frown.

It's three in the morning and Blair can't seem to get her mind off of Serena.

"Why did I have to think about this now? Of all days, why did I have to start analyzing the feelings I have for my best friend?" Blair leaves the bar and hails a cab. On her way home, she feels something strange run up her body. Like a shiver but, it didn't make her feel bad. It just made her feel different.

"I must have drunk to much alcohol." When she opens the door to her apartment complex she is surprised to find blue eyes staring at her from the living room area. Blair's entire body freezes. Serena is staring at her with a perplexed look. She's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Which is awkward because it's winter. Her hair looks jumbled but since she's Serena Vander Woodsen, it also looks perfect at the same time. Blair wonders how the blond has always been able to look completely perfect with anything on.

"I've been waiting for you for the past three hours. Where have you been?" Blair finally begins to move and walks toward her bedroom. Serena follows and shuts the door.

"I was out having a drink. You should have called my cell phone." Blair walks to her bedroom sized closet and begins to change clothes. Serena is sitting on the bed with an annoyed look on her face.

"I did call. I left you four messages. Apparently your phone was off." Blair puts on a massive t-shirt. One that belongs to Serena. She walks out of her closet and picks up her phone. She notices that her phone IS actually turned off and mumbles a small apology before moving to get into bed.

Serena stares at Blair's back for a moment before she begins to speak.

"You're still angry with me for agreeing to marry Carter aren't you?" Blair doesn't move. She pretends to be sleep although both of them know that she's faking it. "Blair I know your not sleep. Please talk to me."

Blair turns around and gives Serena a pointed glare before speaking. She makes a note to herself to not give away the fact that she's in love with the blond. The brunette has a tendency of saying things that she doesn't want to when she's angry.

"I'm not angry with you Serena. I'm just tired. I want to sleep. Is there something wrong with that?" Serena arches an eyebrow and then climbs into bed. She takes off her jeans and then moves toward Blair under the sheets. Blair struggles to control the beating of her heart.

"I don't want things to change between us Blair."

"They won't."

"You know I love you. Don't you?"

"I do."

They stare at one another for what feels like hours but is really minutes. Then out of know where Serena moves forward and places a gentle kiss on Blair's lips. Blair doesn't pull away and that gives Serena the initiative to push farther. She cups Blair's cheek and kisses Blair harder. Her body moves closer to the brunette's and suddenly they both feel like they have on too much clothing. When Blair's hand crawls under Serena's shirt to unhook her bra, she stops in hesitation. It's a silent question. Blair won't do anything if Serena's not sure. When the blond moves so that her body is on top of Blair's and straddles her, she takes the t-shirt and the bra off and then throws them on the floor.

Blair knows for sure that Serena is ready.

Serena looks at Blair and smiles. They're both nervous but the way that Blair is looking at her with gentleness and a mix of something else she can't describe, makes the blond shiver.

Later, when Serena is pressing herself into Blair and her head is buried deep in the column of Blair's throat, she begins to think that she might be marrying the wrong person. They climax together and Serena can't stop kissing Blair's lips. The brunette is flushed red. There bodies are covered with a sheen of sweat and with Serena's body covering Blair's, the brunette can barely breathe. When the blonde moves so that her body is half covering Blair's and half covering the bed, the brunette inhales a deep breath. They look at each other for a moment and that's when it hits them both.

This has been there the entire time. These feelings of want, of need, of LOVE have been there since the beginning and both girls are scared shitless when the realization hits them.

LIFE IS SUCH A BITCH…

Blair pulls her body from underneath Serena's and turns so that her back is facing the blond. She can't believe that this happened.

She shouldn't have let this happen.

Serena tries not to feel hurt by the way Blair turned away from her but she can't help the sting in her heart. A tear rolls down her cheek and her only thought is.

"I might be in love with Blair." She wants to talk to the other girl but, she's too afraid to move. Instead they both fall asleep in awkward silence.

In the morning Serena wakes to an empty bed. She walks toward the closet and sees that all of Blair's clothes are gone. She puts on her robe and walks to the living room. She sees a note on the kitchen table and begins to read.

All it says is….

_I'M SORRY._

Serena crumples the note in her hand and throws it at the wall. Angry tears are flowing down her face.

Her bestfriend left while she was sleeping.

Life was funny that way.

Blair is the one running away this time. Serena is the one that stays.


	2. Chapter 2

Chocolate414 here,

I haven't posted in a while so, I thought that it would be a good idea to post new chapters on my fic's. I know a lot of people have been waiting for me to post. I apologize for the long wait. Here is chapter two to "What We Really Want". Blair Waldorf has been in Europe for one year and Serena has been married for one year to Carter. Blair is too scared to go back to the UES and Serena wants the brunette to come home. They both miss each other terribly but a quick call is about to change all of that.

* * *

Serena stood in the middle of central park watching an old couple eating there lunch. The two of them reminded her of the way that her and Blair used to be a long time ago.

Before all the drama and sex and hurtful words.

Before the weddings and disappearances.

Before the boyfriends... and girlfriends (she never told Blair what happened that year she disappeared at boarding school.)

They were just Serena and Blair. Blair and Serena. And they were together, BFF's forever.

Serena missed that. She stood with her shopping bags in her hands waiting on her driver to arrive so that she could go home to her husband. Sometimes she still couldn't believe that she was married. Out of everyone in the Non- Judging Breakfast club, everyone thought that Blair and Nate would be the first one's to marry. Not Serena Vander Woodsen, the blond who switched boyfriends like she switched clothes.

She missed Blair... She REALLY missed Blair...

She wished that the brunette would come out of hiding. There were so many things that she wanted to say. Things that she'd been holding ever since that night one year ago. It still hurt to think of it some times. When she woke up alone in that apartment, she thought that she would die from the heart break. She barely made it through her wedding.

Her wedding... God that wedding...When she left that apartment that morning and went back to her penthouse she could have swore that she left a trail of her tears from Blair's apartment to her home. It took her hours to fix herself and get in that dress... even longer to decide if she was going get married that day...

While she was walking down the aisle, the only person she wanted to see was Blair. She missed those brown eyes, that long dark hair, those red lips. She wanted her best friend their. She knew she couldn't go through with this wedding. It would end in disaster. She loved Carter but she was in love with Blair. When she arrived at the altar, the guilt over what she was about to do was weighing down on her. Everyone was here to see her get married.

All but one. The one that mattered.

She stared into Carter's eyes and saw love and adoration. If she did this to him, it would break him in more ways than one. He didn't deserve this. She had made the choice to say yes to his proposal. Now she was going to have to live with it. She recited her vows and kissed him. From that moment on she was Mrs. Carter Baizen.

Too Bad she wanted to be Mrs. Blair Waldorf...

Serena shook her head at the memory and stepped into her car. Carter would be home from work soon and he would want to see his happy wife when he got there. Serena was going to need extra time to transform herself into the happy wife, "especially" today. She kept her eyes on the old couple as her car drove away.

"Blair please come home." Serena sent a silent prayer as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

* * *

Blair Waldorf was sitting at a coffee shop in France. Her hair had grown longer, her body had gotten thinner, and her skin had acquired a tan. She was reading a book when she felt a strong pull within her. She dropped her book on the ground and placed her hand on her chest. She was not in any pain but every time this happened she would get this strong feeling that she needed to go home.

She'd been having a lot of these "pulls" lately and they always made here think of Serena.

_As if she wasn't doing that already._

Life in France been wonderful to Blair. Her career had taken off in the fashion world.

She was one of the most sought after models throughout Europe. It happened six months ago.

She'd been trying (and not achieving) to get over Serena by dating every hot guy that walked past in her France. It so happened that one of those guys was a great photographer. He'd taken a couple of photos of Blair and given them to a couple of fashion magazines throughout Europe. Within a week, Blair's phone was ringing off the hook. Within the month the brunette was featured on almost every European magazine.

Blair had received many offers from plenty of fashion enterprises to model there clothing in the United States.

She always said NO.

She couldn't take the possibility of seeing Serena again. She had no idea what she would do or say. There was no way to explain what she did. She still had nightmares about how Serena woke up to find that she was gone. She imagined the blond crying a stream of tears that never stopped. That dream happened every night and every day she felt guiltier than the last.

The brunette had cut off all ties to the Upper East Side except with her mother and Dorota. They were not happy with her decision to leave so abruptly but, when they saw the desperate look in Blair's eyes, they had no choice but to approve.

Although Blair had everything that she ever wanted in Europe. What she needed was still in New York.

Blair picked up her book and put it in her Chanel bag. She turned on her blackberry and saw that she had three missed calls.

Her mother. She braced herself for the conversation that she was about to have.

_ring_

_ring_

_ring_

_"Hello mother"_

_"Blair darling, how have you been?"_

_"I've been fine mother. How is the company?"_

_"Great."_

There was a long pause. Blair rolled her eyes as the awkward situation.

_"Well Dear, Cyrus and I will be celebrating our five year anniversary and we would both like for you to come."_

_"Mother, you know that I have a lot of work to do here. I have the photo shoot with Chanel, Marc Jacobs, and Chloe..."_

_"I talked to your manager yesterday and he said that your free next week. I sent you a first class ticket in the mail. You should receive it today. I look forward to seeing you in two days darling."_

And just like that the conversation was over. Eleanor hung up the phone and Blair sat there dumbfounded.

She was going back to New York. Whether she liked it or not.


	3. Chapter 3

Chocolate414 here, I know that I haven't been posting like I should have so I've decided to give you guys two chapters to this story.

Tell me what you guys think..

* * *

Blair steps off of the private plane with her favorite Prada bag hanging from her shoulder. She's wearing a pair of one hundred dollar jeans and a rolling stones t- shirt.

_Things have surely changed._

She's greeted by her mother, Cyrus, and a lot of her fans. For a second, she looks around, trying to find a certain blond. Then she remembers that she made it a point for no one other than Eleanor and Cyrus to know when she would be coming back to Manhattan.

"Well, that's certainly spoiled now." Blair thinks sarcastically. With the paparazzi, the fans, and the cameras flashing around her, she's sure that the entire island of New York knows that she's back. "And if these people know, then it's only a matter of time before Serena knows." Blair's stomach dropped suddenly at the thought. She was not prepared to see her best friend. "I don't know if I'll ever be."

Eleanor rushes her daughter to their limousine and tells the driver to take them home.

**Hello Upper East Sider's,**

**Is it my imagination, or has our Queen B finally come back to sit on her throne?**

**Spotted, Blair Waldorf stepping off of a private plane looking more beautiful than ever. Are those jeans that B is wearing? Well it seems as if Europe has done wonderful things to B's skin tone. Blair was greeted by her mother Eleanor, her step father Cyrus, and quite a few of her fans. Yes, I did say fans. Seems as if B is the talk of the town in Europe. Within the last six months Blair has been on more European covers than Serena Vander Woodsen (or should I say Baizen) has been in the tabloids. Speaking of Serena, I wonder how she feels knowing that Blair is back in town. We all remember a year ago when Serena married Carter. It was the biggest wedding of the year. But I'm sure everyone noticed that a certain brunette maid of honor was not present at the wedding. Did our favorite BFF's get into another fight? There is so much that I'd like to know. I wonder what Chuck and Nate thought of Blair disappearing. We all know that the two best friends were still head over heals in love with B. I wonder how they feel about her now. So many questions, so few answers. **

**Until next time.**

**You know you love me,**

**XoXo Gossip Girl**

Serena's having lunch with Carter, Lily, Eric, Rufus, and Chuck when her phone begins to buzz. She sees that post from Gossip Girl and rolls her eyes.

"Didn't Gossip Girl retire?" Serena was not in the mood for whatever it was that gossip girl had to say. Serena put her blackberry back in her purse and focused on her Caesar salad. After one bite, her phone begins to buzz again. Serena read the text message and was surprised to find that it was a personal message from Gossip Girl herself.

"**I thought that you would want to be the first one to read this."**

**Gossip Girl**

Serena finally opens the first message and drops her phone on the floor. A few seconds later, Eric, Chuck, and Carter's phone's begin to buzz. A look of surprise is on everyone's face and Lily notices that everyone is suddenly uncomfortable.

"Serena is everything okay?" The worried look that she's receiving from Lily brings Serena out of her haze.

"Yes mother, everything is fine." Serena looks at Chuck and Eric and sees understanding in both of there eyes.

Blair was finally home.

Carter brought his hand to cover Serena's and then began a conversation with Rufus about his latest business endeavor. He tried not to feel hurt when Serena pulled her hand away from his. Something was going on. Carter was a smart man. He was a Baizen after all and although he'd finally made it a point to settle down and marry, that didn't mean that he didn't still have the keen senses that he'd acquired from his many rendezvous across the globe. The look on his wife's face told him something was going on between her and Blair. He just didn't know if it was a good or bad.

Chuck felt the butterflies at the bottom of his stomach begin to flutter. Blair came back. He'd known for months that the brunette was in Europe but decided not to go after her. He wanted for Blair to come back to New York on her own free will. He'd contemplated many times, what he'd do if he ever got a second (or maybe this is the third, or fourth, or fifth) chance with her and he wasn't going to squander this one. He knew what it felt like not to be with Blair and it was something that his heart couldn't take. He needed Blair and he was going to put his heart on the line this time.

Serena noticed all of the emotions running through Chuck's face and understood what Chuck was going through. She'd waited for this moment. Serena didn't know how long Blair planned on being in New York, or if she was even able to get in contact with her, but there was one thing she did know.

She was going to find Blair and they were going to talk. She wasn't going to let this chance pass her by. All of the emotions from that night a year ago came back in full force. Serena felt the urgent need to be with the Blair and suddenly rose from the table.

"Excuse me everyone, but I've just remembered that I have an appointment that I'd forgotten about." Serena kissed Carter on the cheek and nearly ran out of the door. Chuck seemed to catch what was going on, he made another lame excuse and nearly ran over Serena in the elevator. The two looked at one another and Serena felt a pang of jealously run through her veins. Chuck and Blair had history and that made Chuck's chances better than hers.

Then she suddenly smiled.

Chuck had no idea what was going on between her and Blair. In fact no one knew. The two of them were together before Chuck or Nate ever got into the picture (as only friends of course) and then they reached that final level of intimacy the night before Blair left. If there was anyone in that elevator who had the most history with Blair, it was certainly Serena.

With those facts, Serena's chances reached new heights.

Chuck saw the grin that suddenly formed on Serena's face and couldn't help but feel uneasy about it. Something told him, that he needed to be the first one to find Blair. He didn't understand why, but a sense of urgency was coursing through him.

He had to find Blair first.

Chuck was busy waiting for his limousine when he saw a cab come his way. He looked to his right and spotted Serena waving the cab to come forward and then she stepped inside. Within five seconds, she was gone. Chuck glared at the back of the cab and waited for his limousine to come.

Serena sat in the back of the cab and watched as Chuck's face turned from agitated, to annoyed, to finally pissed off. She had to hold back a smirk. Serena arrived at the Waldorf Manor in less than ten minutes. She sat outside of the Waldorf's home for a few moments before she finally gathered herself and stepped inside and went into the elevator.

When she finally made it to Blair's floor, she had to force her heart to stop beating as hard as it was. Dorota was the first to greet her.

"Ms. Serena, how nice to see you?" The last time Serena came to the Waldorf's manor was six months ago. A week after her marriage to Carter, she would come to Blair's childhood home and penthouse hoping that the brunette would be there or that she would gain knowledge about the brunette's where a bout's. Sadly, Serena efforts never paid off. Finally after six months, Serena conceded. She believed that Blair didn't want to be found and that when she wanted to come home she would.

"Thank You Dorota. I was hoping that I could see Blair. Is she here?" Dorota saw the pleading look in Serena's eyes and felt saddened by the answer she was about to give her.

"I'm sorry Ms. Serena but Ms. Blair is not here. Because of all the reporters, fans, and paparazzi, Ms. Eleanor put Ms. Blair in a private apartment. She will be there until Ms. Eleanor renews her vows." Serena gave Dorota a surprised look. She'd completely forgotten about Eleanor and Cyrus's anniversary. Serena's face turned dreary and sad.

"Thank You Dorota." Serena turned around to leave. Before she could step on the elevator she heard Dorota call her name. "Yes Dorota."

"When Ms. Blair came this morning to get a couple of her things, I said she should visit Ms. Serena." Serena's entire face began to turn a different shade. "She had that same look you just gave me. Ms. Blair misses you. She misses you a lot." Serena felt her heartbeat begin to fasten its pace again. "I'm not supposed to do this but, Ms. Blair can't be Ms. Blair without Ms. Serena." Dorota gave Serena a grin and Serena felt a tear go down her cheek. "Ms. Blair is staying at her old apartment. Show the guards this and they will let you in." Dorota placed a gold locket in Serena's hands.

Serena was surprised to hear that Blair was staying at her old apartment. But, thought that Eleanor's plan was smart. Everyone who knew where Blair used to stay would never think that she'd be there now. Serena gave Dorota a quick hug and then sprinted into the elevator.

Blair was sitting on the couch watching television. Her manager called earlier to tell her that she would be flying back to France the day after her mother renewed her vows. Blair felt relieved that she would be getting away from the Upper East Side but sad because she wouldn't see Serena. The pull that Blair felt in Paris was bigger now that she was in New York. It was as if the brunette could sense Serena was close by. That type of feeling was unnerving to the petite brunette. She had no idea what would happen if she saw Serena again. Would Serena yell and scream at her for leaving that night?

"Would she run away and hide?"

"Would Serena flaunt her marriage to Carter?"

"Would they act as if what happened last year never even happened?"

"Would they still be best friends?"

All of these questions flooded Blair's mind. The brunette was so engrossed in herself that she didn't here the lock on the door turn, she didn't here the door open, and she didn't see Serena standing in the doorway looking completely surprised to see Blair sitting in her living room watching television.

It wasn't until Serena closed and locked the door, that Blair finally realized that someone else was in her apartment. Blair turned around to find Serena staring at her. The brunette dropped the remote that she was holding in her hands.

"Serena"


	4. Chapter 4

Chocolate414,

Here's chapter four. Tell me what you guys think.

* * *

The two women stood stiff as boards, not believing what they were seeing. That pull was stronger than ever and both women could feel it. Blair could see so many emotions on Serena's face. They turned from anger, to happiness, to sadness, to hurt, to regret, and then to something that she couldn't describe. Blair realized that she was probably showing those exact same emotions on her face. She couldn't believe that Serena was here. She was so happy that Serena was here.

Serena couldn't be here. Blair wasn't prepared for this. Her body didn't know how to react. She had to get Serena to leave and then she had to go somewhere that the blond wouldn't be able to find her.

"Serena you have to leave. You're not supposed to be here."

Serena's eyes began to shed tears. She'd waited for this moment and now that moment was here. How dare Blair tell her to leave. All the anger that Serena felt from the morning of her wedding returned in full force. She stepped toward Blair and then began to walk. With each step Serena took toward her, Blair stepped back until finally she hit the wall.

"Serena please you can't….." Blair didn't expect the harsh slap that Serena gave her. But she wasn't surprised by the sting that accompanied it afterward. "Fuck Serena".

"How dare you? How dare you tell me to leave after everything that you've put me through. Do you have any idea what I've gone through since you left? Do you?" Serena was radiating anger and hurt. She couldn't believe Blair said that to her.

Blair was speechless. The sadness in Serena's eyes was more than she could take. She ran into her bedroom to try and get away from Serena but, the blond followed her. Blair wouldn't get away from her this time. Realizing that Serena was following her Blair went into the bathroom and tried to close the door. Serena pushed the door open and pushed Blair unto the bathroom counter. Blair was scared. She didn't know what Serena would do.

In that moment, all of Serena's anger disappeared and all that was left was hurt and sadness.

"How could you leave me like that Blair?" There was no escape. Blair had no choice but to answer her question.

"Serena I'm sorry. I just…." Serena was looking at her earnestly. Hoping to get an answer that would finally put her heart at ease. "I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't know how to handle us."

"So you left." Serena couldn't understand.

"You were getting married the next day Serena." Blair spotted Serena's ring finger and with jealous anger she said "You are married. You're married to fucking Carter Baizen." Blair pushed Serena away from her and walked into the bedroom. "What was I supposed to do?" Serena stood there, blue eyes matched brown, and they both realized they had done things that they shouldn't have that night and that morning.

"You were supposed to stay. You were supposed to stay with me." They both stood there in silence. Just looking at one another.

"I've missed you Blair. I've missed you every single second of every day since you've been gone." Serena walked toward Blair and took the brunette's hands in hers. "Had you stayed, I wouldn't have married Carter." The surprise on Blair's face didn't last long. Serena moved forward and planted a kiss on Blair's lips.

Blair didn't fight it.

Serena pulled Blair toward her and kissed Blair again. This time with more passion. The brunette moved her hands to Serena's neck and felt her body begin to mold into Serena's. After five minutes, Blair finally pushed Serena away.

"Serena you're married. We can't do this." Blair saw the hurt look on Serena's face.

"I shouldn't be married to him B; I'm supposed to be with you. I love you. I realized it that night. I've realized it every night since you've been gone." Serena stepped toward Blair and begins to kiss her neck and then her breasts. She takes off her shirt and begins to nibble on Blair's ear. Blair s stuck in a haze. How could they be arguing one minute and making love the next.

Blair realized that her clothes were coming off at an alarming rate. Serena's clothing was already gone and when Blair felt her body being lightly pushed onto the bed. She finally gave herself fully to the passions that her body had been craving for the past year.

Hours later, Blair awoke with Serena's body lying on top of hers. Blair had to admit, the feel of Serena's body was quite pleasant. Serena's body was positioned between the brunette's legs and Blair didn't want to wake Serena by moving. However, the there was a small issue where the bathroom was involved.

Blair definitely needed to use it.

Blair tried to move without waking the blond but having a nearly six foot blond goddess covering your body, whose position was quite frankly molded into yours, was a pretty hard feat to accomplish.

It was at that moment that Serena awoke. When she spotted the urgent look on Blair's face, she began to feel hurt. That is until she realized what the brunette was looking at.

The bathroom.

Serena smirked until she finally realized her position and gently moved her body so that she was lying on the mattress. She giggled when Blair sprinted into the bathroom.

Five minutes later when Blair came back out, she had a relieved expression and climbed back into bed.

That's when the awkwardness began to creep in the room. What do you say to your best friend that you just had sex with and that you haven't seen in a year? Serena moved her body so that it was cuddling against Blair's and began to nuzzle Blair's neck. That is until her phone rang.

Serena shot forward to get her phone.

Carter's name flashed across the screen and the look she gave Blair said everything.

"We should both get dressed." Blair moved toward her drawers and started putting on clothes. Serena watched as her phone's ringtone continued to wreak havoc on them both.

"Blair I don't regret this. I want you back. I want you back in Manhattan." Blair saw the pleading look on Serena's face.

"For what Serena? You're married and I have a life in Paris. We shouldn't have done what we just did.

"And what was that Blair? I thought we just made love. Apparently you thought we were doing something else." Blair ignored the sting in her heart.

"I'm being realistic Serena. I've missed you. I've missed you as much as you've missed me. Maybe more but this is still the Upper East Side. Even if you leave Carter, the scandal will probably hurt all of our families and for what?" Serena couldn't believe what Blair was saying.

"Fine… Just fine..." Serena put on the rest of her clothes and then she walked toward Blair. "If you weren't scared of taking chances then maybe we wouldn't be in this position Blair. Maybe we'd already be together. Did you think of that? I've waited all this time for you to come home and still you're scared of what could happen between us?"

"You're right I am scared. But I'm not the only one. You didn't have to marry Carter. You could have looked for me. There was only one other place that I could have been Serena. That was Paris. Guess what, I've been there the entire time. You took the easy way out just like I did. Accept I didn't go off and get eloped" Blair began throwing all of her clothes all over her bedroom. Serena stood there speechless. "In Paris, I still receive gossip girl posts. I saw your wedding. It seemed as if you were doing pretty fine without me Serena." Blair slammed her drawer shut and looked at the blond. They were both teary eyed.

"I'm sorry Blair."

"I'm sorry Serena."

If there was ever a way to make a better start. That had to be it.


	5. Chapter 5

Chocolate414 here,

I know that I haven't uploaded in a while and I apologize for that. Chapter 5 brings to light some of the issues that face Waldsen if they wish to pursue this relationship. One main issue is Carter. Serena is still married to him.

Tell me what you guys think Don't forget to review.

Thanxx

* * *

Blair is lying in bed with a mass of blond hair covering her chest. Serena's arm is slung over her mid section and the blond is snoring lightly (adorably) into Blair's neck.

Blair has a huge grin on her face. She looks at her watch on the dresser and it reads 9 o'clock. After there argument earlier the two women had a big talk. Serena discussed her marriage to Carter,much to Blair's disgust (Imagining Serena and Carter together made Blair's stomach churn) and Blair discussed her new career (she didn't bring up the fact that she'd been dating almost every hot guy in France).

They were able to talk about a lot of things that reconnected them as best friends but, as lovers, that conversation had yet to be touched. After two full hours of talking and reconnecting they ended up cuddling together on the bed. Serena was nuzzling Blair's neck while Blair wrapped her arms around the tall blond with the thought of never letting her go, Carter could go to hell for all she cared.

One thing lead to another and they found themselves in new territory.

Make up sex. And BOY DID THEY MAKE UP.

They knew each others bodies better than they knew there own and couldn't stop until they found themselves completely exhausted.

That was probably two hours ago and Blair was still on cloud nine. Serena began to stir and Blair shifted a little so that Serena would have enough room to stretch her legs.

"Hey you" Serena kissed Blair lightly on the cheek.

"Hey yourself, you were an animal that last round. I'm surprised that I'm actually awake right now.

Serena began to blush and Blair felt her stomach drop because of how cute Serena was being.

"I'm only as good as the one I'm with." Serena smiled. "The one that I'm in love with."

Something seemed to change after Serena said that last statement. The room seemed a little more quiet than it was a minute ago and Blair laughed a little uncomfortably.

"Blair we haven't talked about our intimate relationship. We've talked about everything as friends but we still have to talk about what happened that night. Hell, we need to talk about what happened two hours ago." Blair began to feel uncomfortable, this was the conversation that she hoped to avoid. At least while she was in New York. She still hadn't told Serena that she would be leaving in a few days. She was pretty sure that the blond would not be happy about that. Not at all.

Blair pulled Serena body closer to hers (if it could get any closer that is) and kissed Serena in the nape of her neck. She still hadn't spoken a word and Serena understood that she would have to be the one to start this conversation.

"Blair that night, I came over to check on you not because you weren't answering my calls but because I began to have these strange feelings for you over the past few months before my wedding." Serena tilted Blair's chin so that the brunette was looking her in the eyes. "I could feel you pulling a way from me and I didn't know why. I know that you were having a lot of issues with Chuck and Nate but I felt like I was losing you." Blair shifted so that her and Serena's foreheads were touching and felt tears begin to build. Serena wiped some of them away with her thumb. "I came over because I was having cold feet and I began to realize that I was jealous of Nate and Chuck. I needed to speak to you but I never thought that you would ever reciprocate my feelings for you when I kissed you. I thought that you would have finally pushed my away."

"I would never do that Serena, even if I didn't have these feelings for you I wouldn't have done that. I was having so much trouble with Chuck because when he cheated on me, I felt like all those years that I'd spent with him were a waste and when I began to date Nate I couldn't stop thinking about you whenever I was with him." Blair didn't want to tell Serena that she finally understood that she'd been in love with her for years, a few days before the wedding.

"Really, Blair?"

"Yeah I..." Serena phone began to buzz interrupting there deep conversation. Serena looked at her phone and saw Carter's name pop up on the screen. She felt a bit of weight get placed on her shoulders. She'd been with Blair all day and in her haste to finally be with the brunette again, she'd completely forgotten about her marriage.

Shit... She cheated on her husband.

Blair watched the changes Serena's face made and understood exactly what was running through the blond's mind. Blair began to put her shield back up and turned away from Serena on the bed.

"You should answer it Serena. Your husband has got to be worried about you." Something in the way that Blair said 'husband' made Serena finally look at Blair. There deep conversation wouldn't finish tonight. Blair was opening herself up to her and her cell phone stopped the progress they were making again.

She should have put her phone on silent.

Serena nodded her head and stepped to the bathroom and closed the door. Blair watched as her lover/best friend walked to her bathroom covered in her bed sheets. Blair scolded herself for momentarily forgetting that Serena was married.

"What the hell is wrong with me? I shouldn't have let this continue." Blair began to put some clothes on and looked outside through her window. It was dark outside. She and Serena had literally made love all afternoon. A smile sprung on Blair's face that suddenly turned into a frown. She'd just slept with someone else's wife. Images of her high school fiasco with Nate and her most recent problem with Chuck made her feel guilty. She helped Serena cheat on her husband. Yes, it was Carter but he still deserved a faithful wife. She knew Carter loved Serena with everything in him. She couldn't be the reason why they broke up.

The guilt would be to much for her.

Serena stepped out of the bathroom to a fully clothed Blair who's face showed nothing short of determination. Serena knew this wasn't good.

"Carter wanted to know where I was, I told him that I was with you and that I'd lost track of time. I said that I wanted to spend the night with my best friend and he said that he was fine with it." Serena gave Blair a nervous look.

"I'm sure if you had told him that you were sleeping with said best friend, he wouldn't have been so happy to agree to let you spend the night." Blair saw that Serena's eyes were begging her not to do what they both knew that she would.

Push her away.

Blair made herself keep her composure. "You're married Serena, some would still say that your still a newly weds. Your one year anniversary will be in a few weeks. We can't do this. We can't trick ourselves into believing that we can finish where we left off. I left because you were getting married and I couldn't handle it." Blair stopped herself, she could feel a fresh wave of emotions trying to make it to the surface. She had to do this. She had to do this for Serena and for her. "And after Cyrus and Eleanor renew there vows I'm going to be leaving again and staying away from New York for good. We shouldn't start something that we can't finish."

Blair held all of her tears at bay. It was dark in the bedroom so Serena couldn't see that Blair's shell was beginning to crack. Serena was silent for a long moment before she said a word.

"I don't believe you. You and I have something that can't be ignored Blair. I don't want Carter. I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with you. I know you feel the same way. I see it in the way that you look at me. The way you touched me when made love. Don't pull away from me Blair." Serena had tears falling from her face and Blair felt like a coward for not running up to Serena and wiping them a way. She felt like a coward for not letting Serena see inside her walls.

She felt like a coward because she was scared.

"I love you Blair." Blair fought the urge to step forward. "Please don't do this."

"I'm sorry Serena. But you have to go home. You have a husband waiting for you that loves you more than anything."

"He doesn't love me as much as you do." Serena knew. She knew that Blair loved her. She had to get through to her.

"He thinks that he does, Serena." Blair wasn't going to deny her love for the blond. "He's your husband, thats all that matters." Blair walked toward the door. She needed some time away from Serena and she thought this would be the perfect opportunity especially since Serena needed to get dressed.

Serena thought otherwise. She sped to the door grabbed Blair by the arm and swung her around. Blair couldn't stop her tears this time. Serena face looked just like hers. Serena kissed her on the lips. Blair tried to fight her but Serena held her wrists. Serena began to kiss Blair's neck murmuring "I love you" and "your mine" and "I wont let you go". Blair couldn't fight it any more and finally let Serena pull her into the blond's waiting arms.

"I won't let you go Blair. We'll find a way to fix this. We have to. I can't lose you again."

"I love you Serena." She does, more than life itself.


	6. Chapter 6

Chocolate414 here and I would like to apologize for the long wait. Those of you who have been waiting on me to post can breathe a little easier. I plan to post at least twice a week from here on out.

This chapter involves Blair, Serena, Chuck, and somebody else (you'll have to read it to find out). It's about time for Blair and Chuck to meet and for you guys to get a little history on there relationship. I want for everyone to know that Serena wasn't the only reason why Blair left.

* * *

It's hard watching your girlfriend with another man. Especially if that man is Carter Baizen. Blair is sitting directly in front of Serena and her _HUSBAND_ as they chat about different people in the room. Carter has this smirk on his face. A smirk that says, "I've got a hot wife and you wish you were me."

" I wish I was Carter Baizen... I wish I was Carter Baizen... I wish I was Carter Baizen... I wish I was Carter Baizen..." Repeats in Blair's head. She wishes that Serena was playfully laughing in her ear, whispering tiny jokes about the egotistical men and women in this room. She wishes that she wasn't so scared of everyone judging her new relationship, that she and Serena could walk around hand in hand throughout Manhattan and show off how perfect they are together. Only a few hours ago, before her mother and step father's horrid dinner party began, before waiters bombarded her family penthouse, she was in her old bed, in her old room, making love to Serena on soft three thousand dollar sheets (She's still Blair after all). Blair can't help but smile at the thought.

"_You're so adorable B... I've never been with anyone who blushes after sex... I mean come on all the stuff you should blush over finished five minutes ago." Serena stared at Blair's rosy cheeks and half smile and began to giggle. She wrapped her arm around Blair's waist and snuggled into the brunette's neck. _

"_Give me credit Serena. I just finished having sex with my girlfriend, who is also my best friend, and in the bed that I slept in during all of my adolescent years." Blair saw Serena smirk. "I think that's cause to blush."_

"_Well when you put it that way.." Serena moved so she was on top of Blair's body. She started kissing Blair's jaw, then her chest, then her breasts, her stomach, and then..._

_Blair loved her life._

Blair hated her life. She gave her mother a fake smile and tried to pay attention to her food. At some point, probably when Serena walked in the door with Carter Baizen on her arm, Blair started feeling that her chef salad was more interesting than the various people in the room.

The fact that Serena seemed more interested in her husband than her girlfriend began to make her seriously anxious and pissed off. She didn't even want to go to this dinner party, she only went to see Serena. Her original plan was to stay hidden from her fans and the paparazzi but with her BRAND NEW RELATIONSHIP she wanted to give this going out in public thing a try. Her publicist and her manager said it couldn't hurt her career. She definitely saw the benefits of being a model. Her mother looked at her with a new found joy and a approval, guys looked at her more, her attitude toward life became more carefree, all the upper east side girls seemed to look at her with envy (Blair loved it no matter what she said), and she was invited to all the best parties. She'd barely been in the city for more than two days and already she was treated like...like...well like Serena. All of these benefits and still she couldn't sit with her girlfriend in front of other people and tell said people that Serena Vander... Baizen was her other half.

Life really sucked... And what made it worse was the fact that Chuck Bass continued to stare at her. His incessant eye goggling, puppy dog eyes, and 'I love you' looks did nothing but irritate her. He'd been trying to get her to talk to him for the past two hours and she _would _tell him to leave her alone if it wasn't for the jealous looks that Serena would send her way every time she looked at him.

Call her a bitch, but the fact that Serena was jealous and showed some sort of emotion about her small looks at Chuck from time to time was gratifying for Blair. It allowed for the blonde to feel what Blair felt.

_**Completely pissed off...**_

Blair swallowed the rest of her wine and told the waiter to get her another glass.

"Make sure this glass is bigger." The brunette smirked as the waiter gave her a concerned look. This was after all her fourth, maybe her fifth glass.

She watched as Serena's eyes followed the waiter as he brought her a larger glass of Moscato and furrowed her eyebrow as she swallowed half the glass in two gulps. At this point she was feeling slightly tipsy. Her mother was now glaring at her rueful display and a few other people in the room were beginning to notice how much _she really did not want to be here._

Blair finished her wine and after giving her mother and Cyrus a curt nod, she excused herself and walked up the stairs to her room.

Chuck seeing this as his chance quickly left his table and followed Blair up the stairs.

"I'm going to check and see if she's alright. I'm sure the excitement from today may have taken a toll on her." Chuck gave Eleanor a smile and continued his walk to Blair's room but not before he saw the "look of death" that Serena gave him. He could've sworn that he'd seen jealousy in the blonde's eyes. Shaking his head, he continued his ascent to Blair's room.

* * *

Chuck noticed how everything looked completely the same. The pastels on the walls, the distinction of the carpet, even the curtains over the windows. Chuck knocked once, then twice, and then a third time. He heard someone move behind the door and then a polite yell.

"Who is it?" Chuck wondered if the brunette knew who it was, would her voice still sound so polite?

"It's me Chuck!" He heard silence for maybe ten seconds and thought to try again. "Blair I know you're in there. I just want to talk. Don't you think I deserve that much? Especially since you disappeared for more than a year." If Blair wouldn't answer him in a calm and civilized manner, then angry as hell would have to do. It seemed as if his words served there purpose.

He felt a light breeze as the door swung upon faster than he was able to recognize. It took him a moment to focus on Blair's face but when he did, he knew he was in a world of trouble. Blair's body was calm, but her eyes and demeanor said everything. The cold look of death that she was giving him made his skin crawl and Chuck felt a shiver go up his spine.

"Here we go." he thought. Chuck braced himself for World War III.

Blair pulled Chuck by his collar into her room, slammed the door, and then locked it. She shoved Chuck against the wall and clenched her fists as if she were going to punch him. Now that she was safely in the confines of her room, away from her mother's guests, she could unleash her fury.

"How dare you bring your egotistical man-whorish ass into my house. Did the fact that I left you without a trace not send the message Chuck? I don't want anything to do with you." Chuck felt a sting in his heart. He knew Blair was mad, but he didn't expect this. "Do you really think that I came back to New York so that I could continue to waste my time with you? Have you forgotten that I walked in on you fucking that Russian model in our bed, or what used too be our bed? Your charm won't save you this time Chuck." Blair snarled at him. For once Chuck Bass was fearful of what the brunette may do.

"I know what I did Blair and I know that I hurt you but, I've grown. I haven't been with any women for over a year. The night you left I pushed myself to change." Chuck tried to speak up but was halted by the hand that Blair brought to his face.

"The fact that you think that taking a year off from being the biggest slut in Manhattan would make me want you back reminds me why I haven't thought twice about you since the day I left. Do you honestly think that I don't know about the other women Chuck? You may have P.I.'s on speed dial but, I'm the Queen B. I knew about every single one of those women and I foolishly stayed with you."

Blair walked to her closet and pulled out a box and brought it too her bed. She opened it and let hundreds of pictures fall unto the bed. She picked up a handful of them and threw them in Chuck's face. She picked a few more photos off the bed and showed them to Chuck, one by one.

"This girl's name was Lisa. I remember it so vividly because she was the first girl I found out about. She was waitress at 'The Empire'." Blair threw the photo of Chuck and _Lisa _together on the kitchen counter at his face. "This girl's name was Amber and she went to Columbia. I believe she was a graduate student, but that didn't seem to stop you. Did it Chuck? You've always had a thing for older women. Haven't you?"

Girl after girl, picture after picture until Blair finally stopped her ranting and looked at the petrified look in Chuck's eyes. He was completely silent and watched as Blair's cool demeanor returned. Filing away all of the photos, Blair shoved the box into Chuck's chest and turned around.

"Get the HELL out of my room." Chuck walked to the door planning on doing just that when he stopped. He was guilty. He knew that more than anyone else. But he also knew that he wasn't the only guilty person in there relationship. He turned around letting his own anger take control.

"And what about you Blair? I know that I'm the main reason for our break up, but I'm not the only reason. I know what happened between you and Nate. I wasn't as blind as you may think. I saw the way the two of you looked at one another. Nathaniel may be my best friend but he's not as smart and conniving as we are when it comes to love and games." Blair turned around and gave Chuck a glare.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Blair smirked at Chuck's anger. She was tired of being the only angry one.

"The hell you don't. You slept with Nathaniel. I know you did and you know what made it worse. The fact that Nathaniel fell in love with you and at some point I think you loved him back." Chuck's rage was in full effect but Blair remained calm. At this point the brunette was sick to her stomach with him.

"I never slept with Nate. While you were off doing God knows what with those other girls I was lonely. Serena was off dating Carter and Nate and I were the only one's left. Nate told me he had feelings for me but I expressed to him that I only had feelings for you." Blair said everything without hesitation. "Tell me Chuck what proof do you have that I did anything with Nate? Outside of what Gossip Girl speculated, what do you have to follow up on your theory?" Blair watched him open his mouth and then close it. "You don't have anything Chuck. You want to know why? BECAUSE I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU. My tears over you are long and gone and I no longer care for anything that you have to say. Now for the final time GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Blair was sure that some of he people downstairs heard her voice but she didn't care. She'd been through to much because of Chuck and she was completely through.

Chuck opened the door and left Blair's room quietly. As he walked down the stairs, he was thankful that only a handful of people looked him over. He sprinted toward the elevator and called his limo. He needed to get drunk. He needed to get to the Empire. He needed Blair and he knew that was damn near impossible. He was going to sit and find a way to win Blair back. If it took years, he would wait. He owed Blair that much.

* * *

Serena watched as Chuck sprinted to the elevator and excused herself from the table. She was agitated because Chuck Bass had been in Blair's room for more than an hour and her jealousy had begun to take over. Giving Carter a small wink she told him that she was going to go check on Blair.

The blond was suprised too see the brunette's door wide open. Blair was sitting on the bed with her head in her hands crying. When she heard someone walk into the room she wiped her face and looked toward the door to find herself staring at blue orbs. Serena quietly shut the door and locked it.

"Baby... What's wrong? Are you okay? What did Chuck do?" Serena was extremely concerned and didn't expect the angry look that Blair sent her way.

"I don't know why you care. It seems as if you're completely happy with your husband down stairs. Why don't you just leave." Serena stood there for a moment and composed herself. Blair stood from the bed and walked to the bathroom, got a towel and began to wipe her face.

"Blair you know that I'm in love with you. It was your idea that we continue to act as if we're not together. I mean come on, I was just putting on a show for your mother's guests downstairs." Blair looked in the mirror and saw Serena's sad eyes. Three days into their relationship and already they were fighting. Blair didn't even know if they could call this a relationship. 'The socialite/model and the Manhattan housewife' ,the thought made her cringe.

"Well I commend you on your performance Serena, you're putting on a wonderful show. I just didn't think that it would be so easy for you to fall into the Manhattan housewife role less than an hour after you finished sleeping with me." Blair knew it was a low blow. The hurt look in the blonde's eyes told her she'd stepped a little to far. For a day that started off so perfect, she could tell that it was going to end real shitty.

Serena didn't say a word. Whatever happened with Chuck changed Blair's mood completely. She knew that her actions downstairs in front of Blair didn't help her case but she was insanely jealous. And even with Blair's bitchy mood, all she wanted to do was grab the brunette by the waist and kiss her senseless.

"I'm sorry babe." Serena gave Blair one of her adorable looks and Blair gave a small smile.

"I'm sorry too." Putting their foreheads together Serena nudged Blair to the bed. Lying on top of her she began to kiss the column of Blair's neck.

They both knew they didn't have time for this. There were people downstairs and taking this type of chance wouldn't be the best move. Pulling themselves off the bed they began to rearrange there dresses.

"Come back downstairs. I was lonely without you there with me." Serena continued to nuzzle Blair's neck.

"Okay, just let me fix my make up." Five minutes later both girls were walking down the steps. Blair was suprised to see more people than before. Serena took a seat next to Carter but continued to watch Blair.

Blair saw her mother talking to some man in a leather jacket but couldn't figure out who he was. It wasn't until her mother signaled for her to come over, did the man finally turn to face her, she recognized who he was immediately.

"Hey Blair" His beautiful green eyes gave her body a look over.

"Hi Nate" Blair stood there shocked.

"Long time no see." It definitely had been.

* * *

So what do you guys think? I think Chuck needed to understand that he's not as charming and discrete as everyone may think he is and Serena needed to get a taste of her own medicine (her being married and all). I still have big plans for Chuck and Serena but, they both may have some big competition in their hands with Nate. Him being single and not a "man-whore" and all. I think they both need something to shake them up a little bit.

Don't forget to review. Thanks for reading


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